In my second career I met with a Ph. D. counseling psychologist for a decade, about four times a year, to review and discuss written briefs of problem situations and/or counseling briefs. The purpose was to have a professional person, observe and offer corrective on my diagnostic and therapeutic understanding and approach.

This resource helped me feel more secure and competent about my work. It resulted in diminished stress or worry about myself and my approach in a given situation. In my view sharing confidential material in a peer group of pastors is problematic. A pastor is privy to deeply confidential material in people’s lives, and sharing in a community of pastors can be (a) a betrayal of confidence especially with other pastors who knew people in my congregation and (b) work with the psychologist targeted specifics, whereas group work takes up time and energy not specific to one’s issues.

A pastor’s personal life and grief should be processed in a professional relationship outside of the congregation, even if there is a good supportive network in the congregation. Pastors should be proactive about self-care, so that they can enter more fully in the lives of congregants. The ability to compartmentalize is important. My oldest son died while I was pastor. Congregants were hesitant to burden me, but I acknowledged my grief, but explained, now in this space, I am available for you.